I have been very heartened by the results of our election. But not by the success of a particular Party. For me, the most important feature was the number of people who voted for a particular style of government. A style which names and advocates for such values as empathy, respect and inclusiveness. I remember there were, once upon a long ago time, qualities which identified our leaders as ‘statesmen’ (and, it must be noted most of the recognised leaders were men). These ‘statesmen-like’ qualities which resulted in certain types of behaviour and decorum were expected from our leaders. It was, I realise now, the shadows of the British colonial times still lingering in our corridors of power. This time was followed by a time of ‘teenage’ wrestling away from the parental models. The more dignified , “British” manner was replaced by a more casual and colloquial leadership style. However, in spite of the outward changes, the historic adversarial model of governorship continued. This adversarial style of behaviour modelled by our leaders has become more obvious and popular in our communities. When we see and hear oppositional and antagonistic behaviour from our leaders and through our media, it gains legitimacy.
So criticism, personal attacks, rudeness, and disrespect has become expected from those who represent us and whom we see as models.
In direct contrast, some of the words which I heard from Jacinda Ardern, early in her term as prime-minister were “kindness” and “respect” and “empathy”. These terms were central to my counselling/psychotherapy training and practice, describing the attitude necessary to bring about positive change and healing. And in those places transformational change happened regularly. People - often starved of these experiences - flourished in the atmosphere of non-judgemental, positive regard. I was surprised and pleased to hear these concepts being aired in the public arena as a broader way of communicating and relating to each other. This was a new and very welcome emphasis being heard in the wider community. One where caring relationships were promoted. Diversity was welcomed. Encouragement and cooperation was valued.
And those values of kindness, respect and empathy were the fibres which have held our communities together through very difficult, very traumatic times in our country during the past two years. Those values have encouraged us to reach out, care for others and recognise our similarities more than our differences.
However during the past months, given the uncertainty and worrying times which lie ahead, I wondered whether people might revert to the ‘old’ ways of relating which we heard so much of during the election campaign. Combative comments, insults, snide comments, ridicule and accusations were in free fall. This negativity has the capacity to pull people in: feeding their fears and igniting their anxiety. Would this ‘old’ style of communicating be successful? Would people’s fears about the unknowns ahead cause them to hunker down, retrench and retreat to their individualistic lives?
The good news is that the ‘old’ style didn’t attract enough voters to bring that type of leadership into power.. People voted for a style of leadership that is inclusive and caring and encouraging of our inter-relatedness. I am heartened that we are in a time of positive transformational change.
